Archive for June, 2008

Thoughtfulness and Good-byes

Cybr and I had dinner with three ladies he works with who befriended us from the very beginning of this journey, which I have mentioned already at

We had a lovely time and said our good-byes, but I won’t go into a lot of detail here, since you can read about it elsewhere.

Our friends showed up with two of the most thoughtful gifts:

This is a onesie from Dominique and it is very likely that we will have our babies’ first picture taken in this, as it is so appropriate!:

Here is a close-up of what it says:

And this is the coolest baby girl gift EVER! from Rebecca and Daisy:

We also received an adorable crib set (or as it is called here, a cot set) that is classic Pooh.  This was a gift from my dear friend and CCCP cohort, Kathy.

I expect we will all try to remain in touch, even from such a tremendous distance.  I will truly miss the friends that I have made here…


And we have a…


No…a baby girl.  A very wiggly little girl.

The 20 week exam went well.  Everything looks as it should.  My blood pressure is in the normal range, albeit still higher than my normal bp.

The doc tried to get a 4D picture for us, but our little girl is so wiggly that she couldn’t get a quick still frame of her without her hands flailing in front of her face!  It was still very cool to see, even if we don’t get the keepsake.

Who knows, maybe my U.S. doc will do another 4D scan.  I have no idea what to expect from him as an OB, but I do know that as a GYN he is quite funny and easy to talk to.

IT’S A GIRL!!  Although the Chinese Birth Chart says it is a boy…

Mostly just stuff

I haven’t written much lately.  I am keeping quite busy with moving half way around the world only 5+ days away now.  There has been much to do in the past few weeks.

All is well with me and the bean.  Nothing much to tell.  Movement was the most recent milestone, which you can read about in the previous post.  Otherwise, all is much the same.  I feel good.  I am sleeping better now that my back is feeling better, not 100% but definitely better.

I just can’t believe we are leaving so soon.  You settle on a date and it is here before you know it, much like pregnancy…You find out you are pregnant and the next thing you know (in my case) *snap* and I am halfway through the pregnancy.  I expect it will slow down once I am big and uncomfortable.  That seems like the norm.

We are going in for our 20 week check-up on Thursday, so I will keep you posted on what happens then.  If I have time, I will post an updated ultrasound.

The only other thing I can think to mention is how all the grandparents are pretty excited about us coming home and having us and the soon-to-be new baby  home.  They are all pretty cute about it.  The only one who’s interest occasionally seems waning is my mother, but that is her.  She can’t wait to see me and the bump and makes a big deal about how soon will I get into St. Louis from Kansas City because she can’t wait to see me.  Then, she says…”well, if you are going to stay in KC for more than three weeks, let me know and maybe I will come up there”.  It isn’t as if she has a job or doesn’t have a free place to crash, it is just that she really doesn’t enjoy spending time with me.  Only in theory, not in reality.  So, whatever.  I would prefer to chill out at my Dad’s and relax with my fuzzy kids and not be bothered anyway.  I will have to overcome jetlag that generally lasts about 4-5 days during this pregnancy, so rest and relaxation is top priority during that time.  Not to mention spending every moment I can with my fuzzy kids before leaving the cats for however long it takes us to find a place of our own.  I am going to miss my kids.  Francois most especially, he and I are very close.

Anyway, the final days in Hong Kong are here, I am sad about that chapter ending, happy about the next ready to begin, looking forward to my exam on Thursday, and boarding a plane in less than a week…


The baby has been moving a lot for the past two days.

or I just have some serious bowel issues.

No, really, it must be the baby moving.  It is the weirdest, coolest, vibrating, tickling sensation.

It does it frequently all day and night for the past two days.

It is the coolest thing ever.

Me? A Mommy?

I never dreamed of it. Being a mom, that is.

I really didn’t. It may sound brash to say so, but it is true. I didn’t dream of being married or having children as a child, adolescent, or even an adult. I never wanted kids, I thought motherhood wasn’t for me.

Even when I played with dolls and played “house” with my little girlfriends, I would always opt to be the make-believe teacher and not the mom. It just wasn’t my thing.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

  1. I suppose I just never had the motherly instinct in my younger years.
  2. Even as a young girl I knew that I didn’t want to pass on the genes that make all the crazy in my family. I was petrified that I may have those genes and if they were dormant, then they may rear their ugly head in my offspring. Yes, my maternal family is completely and utterly batshit crazy…so much so that I actually feared passing it along from the time a was about 5-6 years old. Good times.

Anyway, in my mid to late twenties is when it dawned on me that all the time I thought I was the anti-mom and not destined to reproduce — well, I was wrong about me. I am a mom. I have always had a motherly instinct, I simply failed to recognize it for various reasons.

I have been the care-taker in keeping track of my friends, my family, and my pets all my life. In fact, even as a child I was involved in a role-reversal with my own mother, making me more of the mother-figure to her than she to me. I knew this to some extent but I think I harbored a bit of resentment toward the whole scenario, thus choosing to overlook it.

From about the age of 25 I have known that I wanted children of my own. There have been many times that I feared it would not happen. I mean, I knew I wanted a family and not just kids..and you can’t have a family without a companion.

I knew from the first date with Cybrdad that he was the one. It just felt right. Plus, I fell asleep that night after our date and I dreamed of our child. In the dream I was holding a baby and kept asking who the baby belonged to when suddenly realizing that the baby was mine. At the moment of realization I look up and past the baby to see Cybr standing their with his “It was me (or I did good)” smile on his face. I woke up in a panic from that dream…I mean we had only gone to dinner and talked for a while over a couple of beers, I wasn’t exactly thinking of reproducing when I returned home that night.

I hope to make a family for this child like I never had. I hope our baby knows love, safety and comfort in our home.

It took a lot of years to overcome the fear of repeating the craziness of my own childhood, but I know now that things will be different in the home we will create. I know this because I am different, our relationship is different, our love is different and because I am humble enough to say I’m sorry if I ever need to…

Yet I am still simultaneously terrified and overjoyed with what is to come.

Here’s the first belly picture -18.5 weeks

It isn’t the most flattering photo I’ve ever had taken, but it is my first baby bump…so it is what it is.


My low back is the source of great discomfort.

This has been an issue for nearly two weeks and I cannot sleep because of it.  I must constantly shift from my left side to my right side with temporary stops on my back.

I have been to a physiotherapist twice this week for adjustment.  The first session only helped for the first 24 hours after seeing the doc.  I am REALLY hoping that today’s session will be more effective.  I go back twice more next week.

The physio says it will only get worse the bigger my belly gets.  I have an unstable hip joint and it causes muscle spasms and sciatic pain.  It has been under control for a while, but she says the added pressure on my abdomen is likely putting pressure on the hip joint and adding to the instability.  Yeah.

So, I am typing this post all the while my butt cheeks are taped together to force my hip joint to work properly.

Oh, and tomorrow I am going to try to locate a belly support belt.  The physio thinks that may help.


Cybrdad and I did a little shopping here in Hong Kong and decided that (even though it’s a bit early to buy stuff) we would buy our little girl a cute little Chinese-style dress:

Can you imagine how silly our baby will look if it happens to be a boy?  Hehe, it will still make a funny photo that we can use for blackmail when he hits the teenage years.

For now, we believe it is a girl, so we are going with that theory.  We bought the dress a bit large so that we could put it on a toddler, not a newborn.

We also bought a toy for our bundle of joy and reveled in how funny it was that we were actually purchasing a toy that wasn’t for us.  We are kinda funny that way, we both like toys.  Again, it will not be a useful toy until toddler stages, but it is sooooo cute and a twist to the normal “fit the shape thru the proper shaped hole” toy we normally see in the U.S.

So here it is:

Cravings I Cannot Have

I am craving a ginormous platter-sized plate of salad from a salad bar with the reddest French dressing I can find.

I am craving a Mexican Pizza from Taco Hell.

I am craving sushi.

I am craving Chinese food.  This might sound doable, since I am living in Hong Kong; however, what I really want is Americanized Chinese food.  Mmm…eggrolls and sweet & sour chicken.

Earlier Journal Entry

Written after the 8 week appointment when Cybrdad got to see and hear our child for the first time.
Journal Entry from 4/3/08 (this time I was thinking clearly enough to date it!):

Your Dad and I went to the doctor today to check on your progress. You are growing like a little weed! We saw you and we saw your heartbeat, you are just over 1cm in length…then, like a magical moment, the doctor turned on the sonogram so that we could hear you. You heart beat was strong and fast, just like it should be. We were amazed. Awed. Your Dad could hardly believe what he was hearing, it was that incredible. We told all of our family about you and everyone is greatly anticipating you. You may be one of the most loved people of all time, you’ll see. Now all you have to do is grow healthy and strong, making sure your mommy is healthy too so that I am able to fly home to the U.S. by August or September. Your Dad will follow soon behind us and we will make you a safe, loving home to grow in surrounded by us and all those who love you.